'Tourists' (brief short story)

At High Noon in New York City on May First of 2026, exactly 42 space aliens landed. They looked shockingly like humans. The main differences were they had extra large eyes and heads, 8-foot-tall bodies, long arms, almost no hair, and light blue skin.

After almost-soundlessly landing their spacecraft in Bryant Park, a small crowd began to gather. They surrounded the blue-green metallic, octagon-shaped, 76-meter ship – but kept their distance too. After two minutes at most the creatures emerged and briefly looked around.

A very average-looking one from the back spoke up: 

“We are Utu. We are tourists.” His English was perfect.

Many humans said “Hello!” and “Welcome!” and otherwise tried to talk with them. All felt a kind of portentous awe. It was clear these were impressive beings. After maybe half a minute of tranquil assessment and brief glances, one Utu stepped forward. He spoke calmly, but frankly and directly.

“Why are you such savages? Why do you behave like wild animals? Why do you prey upon each other? 

“We’re impressed by your cars, ships, planes, rockets, satellites, spaceships, telephones, radios, television, computers, highways, plumbing system, electrical grid, vaccines, drugs, organ transplants, and even nuclear bombs. 

“But why are almost all of you so criminal and tyrannical? Why do almost all of you systematically attack each other via government?”

The message was delivered forthrightly, respectfully, and intelligently to about 400 English listeners in the plain of the park. But almost instantly it was translated into essentially all human languages, and delivered all over the globe in holographic imagery. The space visitors directed that people transmit the answers to their questions to certain radio and space frequencies, as well as certain internet sites, which the Utu evidently could monitor. Then all 42 space creatures sedately returned to their vessel. Over the next few hours, as news reports confirmed this unprecedented visitation, many human beings warmly and fawningly welcomed the aliens, just as a small minority of people tried valiantly to respond to their critical inquiries.

But the replies evidently didn’t meet with Utu approval. At noon on May 2nd over 90% of humans died. Their intact bodies laid in the streets, parks, buildings, homes, transports, and other places where they unceremoniously perished. Cause of death was unknown.

The Utu repeated their questions. They added: “Why are you so illiberal? Why are you so irrational and senseless in your beliefs and behaviors? Why are you so self-hating and self-destroying? 

Moreover: Why do you so much reject reason and science? Why do you believe in ‘god’? Why do you believe self-sacrifice is a virtue? Why do you believe welfare statism is benevolent and beneficial?”

The remaining 81 million of so humans answered with renewed urgency. Elite think-tanks, universities, and journals made a special effort.

But these answers too seemingly met with minimal approbation. By noon of May 3rd about 3 million people were left. Close to two-thirds were Americans. Almost a million were Europeans, especially from the northwest and England. Fewer than a thousand were Chinese or Russian. This population decline left the survivors stunned and numb.

The Utu then had nothing more to do with humanity. They proceeded to tour the museums, art galleries, entertainment venues, tourist traps, major cities, and exotic plants and animals. By May 6th they were evidently fully satisfied – or fed up. Either way, they left.

But before they departed for good, the Utu transmitted a final message:

“Not all humans are complete barbarians and monsters – which is good. Those remaining should live much better now. All the illiberals are gone. All your major feral beasts. All your main thieves, assailants, tyrants, and torturers. But you need to watch out. Don’t repeat the mistakes of the destroyers. That’s no way to live, and we may come back.

“We leave behind the cures and treatments of your top ten diseases and injuries. We give you a nutrition and drug cocktail to triple your lifespan. But we won’t tell you how to defeat death. You’re unworthy. Try to do better before our next visit.”